I wonder...

The main problem is there is no rewind buton in life. There’s no going back. And believe me, I wish I could. I wish I could go back to certain moments of my life, relive the year of 2009, do it all again. Visit the hectic streets of London, get lost in the most famous underground in the world and find myself embracing the love of my life just off King’s Cross train station. Walk around the most beautiful city I know (Prague) with the soul I’ve believed to be my own soul’s mate. I do most certainly wish to go back to the moment when I “proposed” and she said yes, by the most beautiful sunset that the beach near my house has ever seen. All of these memories will never be more than that again and it seems that life is supposed to carry on. I’ve been struggling and I’ve been doubting myself a lot. There are days when I wake up and feel the strength within me, but mostly it just goes away with a blink of an eye. Any little detail will be there to remind me of everything I’ve lived with her by my side. That song we listened to over and over again on the radio, on the way to our first weekend away. That jacket I used all summer long or even the swimming goggles I bought when we went up north for a few days. The tapas we had in Spain next to the fountain, or the first movie we watched together. I wonder if she remembers what it was. I wonder if she even thinks of these things at all. I wonder if she remembers what we felt that moment in London, just outside of King’s Cross, when we ran into each other’s arms. I wonder if she even thinks of what we went through together and if she misses any of it at all. I wonder whether she wonders, because I’ve been wondering way too much and it feels like I’m the only one left wondering. It’s hard to imagine that she’s over all of this.

Maybe it’s just me, maybe I’m just a hopeless romantic who got swept away among his own dreams.